


yet the walls kept falling down

by churrosim



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Suicide, major character death is for akechi's mom, takes place during sae's palace infiltration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:22:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25872799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/churrosim/pseuds/churrosim
Summary: Akechi smiled at the frizzy-haired boy behind the counter that he hated so much.“I’m thinking about my mother. About how she’d hate the person I’ve become.”-Goro wonders if his mother truly loved him. Akira hopes that she did.
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Akechi Goro's Mother, Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, shuake is mostly implied but it is there
Comments: 5
Kudos: 86





	yet the walls kept falling down

The door to the old cafe opened as the Detective Prince walked inside, the now-familiar scent of coffee and curry hitting his senses. 

“Good afternoon.” Akechi said politely, turning to the curly-haired boy behind the counter.

He prayed that the other boy wouldn’t notice the harsher circles underneath his eyes, the rushed concealer slapped onto his face. 

“Welcome home.” Akira Kurusu grinned at Akechi, just the kind of smile that twisted Akechi’s insides in a way he hated.

“The infiltration isn’t until later today.” Akira blinked, placing a customer’s now empty cup into the sink. 

Akechi sunk into a seat at the counter, wearing a small smile. 

“I’m aware. I suppose I just simply needed a distraction today- if that’s alright with you.” 

“I don’t mind. Do you want to talk about it? It seems like there’s something on your mind.” Akira placed a cup down in front of Akechi. 

His favorite blend. Akechi eyed the cup carefully. 

Akechi cursed how nice Kurusu was- and to his soon-to-be murderer, no less. 

Upon seeing Akechi’s slightly shocked reaction, Akira gave him a playful wink that made the detective want to scream. 

Akechi hated that Akira was able to make him feel this way, and he was certainly vocal about that. Hatred was the best way to describe the complicated tangle of feelings that Akira Kurusu caused to twist within him.

“I’m fine, Kurusu-Kun. Perhaps just a bit tired.. my work has been getting more harsh, unfortunately.” It was a lie, careful and practiced. He was careful to ensure as little as possible seeped out of the cracks in his mask. 

Akechi gave a small chuckle to hopefully sell this lie to Akira. 

The boy had a tendency to see right through him sometimes.

“You’re lying.” Akira shook his head. 

Akechi scowled for a second, before replacing the negative expression with one of practiced neutrality. 

“You can talk to me, Akechi.” 

**No, I can’t. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to get attached to you. Don’t talk to me.**

Akechi eventually gave a resigned sigh. There was no use in beating around the bush when Akira was around. He constantly found himself spilling his thoughts without abandon when his rival was near, it was something about Akira that made talking to him so easy. 

“I’m thinking about my mother. About how she’d hate the person I’ve become.”

He smiled, much too serene for the heavy topic. 

Akechi paused as he tried to put this in the least alarming way. 

“The anniversary of her death is approaching. I suppose I just.. can’t stop thinking about her. She’d tell me ‘you’d become just like your father, Goro.’ I’ve become someone she’d never be proud of.” 

The words Akechi uttered made Akira’s expression turn quietly thoughtful. He knew enough about his rival’s mother, the despair of having given birth to the bastard Goro Akechi driving her to take her own life. 

He knew about Goro himself, too. The plan to assassinate him in cold blood after selling him out. The vengeance and resentment that bubbled under the affable Prince facade. 

“I’m sure that’s not true. She’d be proud of how far you’ve come.” 

“I appreciate how easy you are to talk to about things like this, along with your unfailing sympathy.” 

Akechi hated this part of Akira, too. How easily he was able to sympathize with other people, and whatever goddamn thing about Kurusu that was compelling Akechi to spill out whatever he was thinking to the frizzy-haired boy before him. “But I don’t particularly hold the same sentiment as you in that regard.” Akechi sighed, already sounding exhausted. He quickly tried to change the topic before Akira pressed it further. 

“I already told you about how she tried to support the two of us, correct?” 

* * *

_ “Goro-Chan!”  _

_ His mother called out as she entered their too-small house.  _

_ Goro could tell by the overly excited and slurred tone in his mother’s voice that she was already drunk.  _

_ His eyes landed on the strange man who his mother had thrown herself on. He hadn’t seen this ‘client’ before.  _

_ The man’s predatory eyes sent a small shiver throughout his body.  _

_ “Head down to the bathhouse, okay? Come back in an hour.” His mother had leaned down to give him a small kiss on the forehead. Goro could smell the alcohol on her breath. It made his stomach sour, but only just a bit.  _

_ He was getting used to the heavy stench of inebriation that emanated from his mother whenever she came home from work as of late.  _

_ Goro nodded obediently and got his coat on, scurrying out the door while his mother giggled and led the man into her bedroom.  _

_ When he came back from the bathhouse, the man was gone.  _

_ “..Mama..?” He peeked into the bedroom, opening the door slightly. His mother was laying on the bed, clothes haphazardly put back on. The room smelled weird. She was sobbing to herself quietly.  _

_ He’d never heard his mother cry before.  _

* * *

Akira nodded. “You told me. I’m sure she tried her best.” Akira wasn’t sure of that fact at all, but he wanted to try his best to make Goro feel somewhat better. It's better to lie, he thought. He hoped.

Even knowing what Goro planned to do, Akira was still compelled to help. He knew that Goro’s reason for planning his death wasn’t as cut-and-dry as his friends liked to believe. He’d seen a side of Akechi that the rest of them have not, though he’s barely seen that side either. 

“She was one tough lady.” 

Akechi laughed, a broken and rueful sound. 

“She tried to be… she worked as hard as she could. She tried her best, but we rarely ever had food on the table. It wasn’t easy to afford even the most basic necessities.” 

The forlorn look in Akechi’s eyes was obvious to anyone looking at him. 

“Sometimes it was a lot for her.”

**It was so much that she couldn’t take it. She couldn’t take** **_me._ **

“I can imagine..” Akira trailed off, shaking his head slightly. “But she cared. You can’t deny that.” 

* * *

_ His mother was crying again, hunched over the toilet as vomit and bile were shimmering atop the water.  _

_ Goro’s eyes landed on the empty bottle of pills that was on the floor, knocked onto its side. He knew those pills were expensive, and immediately figured out that he wouldn’t be eating for a few days because of it.  _

_ His mother was coughing up more bile as she clung to the dirty porcelain.  _

_ “Why did you do this to me?” She had asked , cloudy gaze looking at Goro.  _

_ He had no reaction other than a faint sense of worry. This was becoming commonplace, to see his mother driven so far into despair that she tried to take her own life to free herself. He was used to this, even at the young age of only six. He knew it was his fault, too. She always was transparent about that.  _

_ “Why did you have to be born- oh, god, you look just like him-“ Her distressed words were cut off by more rounds of forceful retching. “Whenever I look at you, all I see is that bastard’s face.”  _

_ Goro knew what she meant by that. He looked like his father, the ‘no-good piece of shit’ that his mother spoke so frequently about.  _

_ “I-I don’t want to fucking look at you. Get out of my face.” His mother’s voice was shaking as she quickly raised a hand and slapped Goro on the cheek as hard as her drug-addled body would let her.  _

_ Goro felt his vision blur for a split second, not expecting the burst of pain. He tried to hold back hot tears, but to no avail as they began to run down his cheeks.  _

_ The anger quickly drained from his mother’s face as he wrapped her son in a hug, mood quickly turning around once she realized what she had just done. “Hey, baby.. I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry..” Her worn hands rubbed Goro’s back as he continued to sob to himself.  _

_ “I didn’t mean it, Goro-Chan. I love you. You know that.” _

_ Goro hiccuped, another sob escaping him. He tried to speak, but words wouldn’t leave his throat.  _

_ His mother wasn’t smiling, and she was thankful he couldn’t see that. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it.” She pulled away from the embrace, a smile plastered on. _

_ “Stop crying, Goro-Chan. You have to be strong, for mom. Okay?”  _

_ He nodded. “I promise. I’ll be stronger for you, mama.” His sniffles were less frequent, sobs less intense.  _

_ “I know you will, my little hero.” His mom pinched his cheeks affectionately. “I’ll be out in a second. We can watch Featherman tonight.” _

_ The boy’s face lit up instantly.  _

_ “Ok! I’ll be at the TV waiting for you. There’s a new episode tonight, and I really don’t wanna miss it!” _

_ Goro had already run off before he noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks, too.  _

_ His mother learned to lock the door after that. _

* * *

Akira’s words made Akechi feel sick. He hated thinking about this, he hated talking about this, he hated Akira, he hated himself. He hated her too, sometimes. 

**Maybe she did care. But she obviously didn’t care enough about me to stay.**

**...I don’t blame her for that.**

“I’m sure she did, Kurusu-Kun. But that doesn't change the fact that it was hard for her. She was constantly ostracized for her occupation, and the circumstances of my birth.” His face fell, and he didn’t need to fake the expression. Talking about this was certainly weighing him down immensely, to the point where he didn’t even need to falsify the morose look on his face. 

“That must’ve been hard for both of you.” Akira wore a sympathetic look that was completely genuine. 

He’d desired to find out more about Akechi to try and understand the detective’s motives, but instead found himself feeling.. truly awful for all that Akechi had to endure. And to think that this was just the beginning of everything was honestly dreadful. 

Yet he continued to press on with this. Akira knew it was a long shot, but he figured that if he could play his cards right, he might be able to even convince Goro to truly join him. 

Maybe not. It was just wishful thinking right now. 

Akechi took a small sip of the coffee, clearly trying to ignore what Akira had said about his own experiences. 

Clearly, he had it better than her- he was still here. 

“She had to endure much more than me. I was only bullied here and there, but her, on the other hand….” 

* * *

_ Goro returned home from school, holding back tears as he walked through the door. The cruel treatment he endured from the other kids only got worse the older he got.  _

_ Goro Akechi was seven years old now.  _

_ As much as he wanted to break down and cry, he needed to stay strong for his mother. The past few months, she’d been growing visibly more depressed and erratic. She barely ate or slept anymore, and was prone to breaking down completely. She would hit him sometimes, incoherently rambling about how much he looked like his father, and about how Goro’s birth had completely ruined her life. She'd quickly apologize, wrap him in a hug, and do it all again the next day. _

_ He’d gotten used to it by now. It simply became part of a routine.  _

_ But today was different. His mother was smiling for the first time in what seemed like forever.  _

_ “Welcome home, Goro-Chan.”  _

_ Goro was confused by her actions as he blinked.  _

_ His mother only chuckled. “I’ve been really proud of you lately. You’re one strong boy, Goro-Chan. C‘mere.” She gestured to him, and once he got closer she wrapped him in a hug.  _

_ The fact that she was acting so happy, after months of her despairing behavior, struck Goro as odd. _

_ If only he had figured out what she was really planning just a bit sooner. He should’ve seen the signs. He should’ve listened. He was such a fool.  _

_ “I got you something. Here.” His mother leaned down and pulled out a box. _

_ Once Goro read what was on it, he gasped, then smiled brighter than he ever had before.  _

_ “You really got it for me?!” He said, opening the box to take out the Proof of Justice model gun.  _

_ “I know how much you wanted it, and you’ve been really strong lately.” His mother chuckled to herself when she saw how happy Goro was.  _

_ “I can’t believe it! This one is super rare-“ Goro paused, looking up to his mother. “Wait.. how much did you pay for this?”  _

_ She made a dismissive gesture. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll be fine.” His mother no longer cared about money. She knew she wouldn’t be living for much longer anyways, so something like money wasn’t a concern to her now.  _

_ She gave Goro a playful wink. “I’m glad you like it, Goro-Chan!”  _

_ “Like it? I love it! This is the exact gun that Red Hawk uses!” He immediately took the model gun out of the box, admiring it closely. He hugged his mother’s waist tightly, arms barely able to fully wrap around her. “Thank you so much, Mama. I love you.”  _

_ A slight twinge of regret hit her once she was thanked by her son. She quickly shoved the feeling aside. She had no intentions of not following through with the act.  _

_ “Now, Goro-Chan. This gift has a special rule that goes with it, that you need to listen to.” _

_ Maroon eyes gazed up at her in naive curiosity. So young, so innocent. The child she’d soon be abandoning forever. She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes like that. The woman had already come to her decision. Knowing that her death was soon was uplifting. She felt free for the first time since she had Goro, but the way he looked up at her, still full of hope… she quickly glanced away, trying not to falter.  _

_ “You need to swear. That even if I’m not around, you’re still going to stay strong for me. That’s the deal we’re gonna make. In exchange for the gun-“ _

_ “Model gun, mama. I can’t have a real gun ’til I’m a grown-up.”  _

_ His mother laughed a bit at that. “Fine, for the model gun, you’ll need to stay as strong as you can. Does that sound like a deal, Goro-Chan?” _

_ Goro nodded vigorously, still incredibly happy with the gift he’d just been given. “It’s a deal!”  _

_ She kissed the top of his head softly. “Thank you, my little hero. I love you so much.”  _

* * *

Akechi shook his head. 

“..none of them knew what had really happened to her. None of the people who treated her so cruelly knew how strong she truly was.” 

**She still wasn’t strong enough to not leave. But that was my fault, not hers.**

“Raising the bastard child of the man who assaulted her.. it’s no wonder she was driven to such despair.” 

“She still cared about you.” Akira rubbed the back of his neck, hoping that was true. He wanted to believe that she did. “I know she did.” 

**She didn’t care all that much, it was clear. Because if she did, maybe she’d still be here.**

“..I like to think so, yes.” A small, regretful smile appeared on his face. 

Akechi wasn’t a fool. He knew that if it wasn’t for his birth, his mother would still be alive. The fact weighed heavily on his mind, almost constantly. He was a cursed child for her, his very existence ruining her own since the minute of his conception.

“She was so young. A promising career ahead of her, a supportive family. I took that all away from her.” 

“Don’t say things like that.” Against his own better judgment, Akira was quickly becoming more and more concerned for Akechi as he continued. He knew that he shouldn’t be getting this sympathetic for the man about to kill him, but he couldn’t just let Akechi wallow in self-hatred after all he’s heard from his rival.

“You know that’s not true.”

Akechi’s eyes darkened in irritation, a crack in his mask he plastered on so carefully. “You don’t need to spare my feelings, Kurusu-Kun. I’m well aware that what I’m saying is the truth.” 

* * *

_ His mother seemed happier with each growing day now. Goro couldn’t help but notice how it had seemed like she was looking forward to something.  _

_ He was a bit excited himself, for whatever it was. Seeing his mother the happiest she’s been in years must mean that something really big was going to happen.  _

_ Goro was ecstatic. He would daydream about what it could be for hours on end.  _

_ Maybe it was a new house, much bigger than the home they stayed in now. Maybe they’d move to somewhere nice, where Goro would make lots of friends. _

_ Yesterday, she was almost euphoric with glee. Goro couldn’t help but be that happy himself, seeing her so glowing.  _

_ Today, he’d ask her about what was making her so happy. Goro really wanted to know, too.  _

_ He was buzzing with anticipation the whole walk home from school. _

_ “Mama, I’m home!” He called out as he opened the door.  _

_ There was no response. That struck him as odd- usually these past few months, his mother was always there to greet him.  _

_ The silence was only punctuated by the sound of liquid dripping in another room. _

_ He felt a bit nervous- had she been drinking that stuff again? _

_ “Mama…?” Goro asked again, fighting back against the dread pooling in his stomach. The last thing he wanted was to see her cry again, not after she’d been doing so well lately.  _

_ “Where are you..?”  _

_ He checked her room.  _

_ She wasn’t there.  _

_ He checked his room too. She wasn’t there either.  _

_ Maybe she was out again. Buying him another gift like Proof of Justice. A new smile appeared on his face. He knew he should probably sit right in his room, waiting for her to come home.  _

_ But it wouldn’t hurt to check one more room. _

_ He noticed her shoes by the doorway once he left his bedroom.  _

_ So she was home! He really, really wanted to talk to her.  _

_ The door to the bathroom was locked. This was normal. She always locked the door to the bathroom. The uncomfortable feeling was fading away. Everything seemed completely typical of his mother, so he wasn’t worried.  _

_ He twisted the handle, hoping his mother would unlock it. She didn’t.  _

_ He knocked on the worn wood.  _

_ “Mama! Open up, I’m home!”  _

_ The sound of something dripping was louder here.  _

_ The locked door didn’t deter him. It was an old house, anyways. If he messed with it enough, it’d open eventually. Goro sat there, fiddling with the handles until he heard a small click. He knew he probably broke something, and she’d get angry at him for it later.  _

_ He pushed the door open, hearing it hit against the bathroom’s wall.  _

_ “..mama?”  _

_ She was laying in the bathtub, head lolling to the side.  _

_ The water was red. _

_ Some of the same red was puddling on the floor, pouring from her arm that hung out of the bathtub.  _

_ She wasn’t moving.  _

_ Goro took a tentative step closer to the bathtub.  _

_ “Mama.. what are you-..”  _

_ He trailed off, voice going silent once he saw her eyes.  _

_ Glassy. Cold. Empty. Soulless.  _

_ Dead.  _

_ He felt the room beginning to sway, he felt his vision starting to swim. He felt himself falling to his knees, the force of the hard tile sending a jolt of pain through him that he didn’t register.  _

_ Goro held her exposed wrist tight against his own chest. His skinny, malnourished arms wrapped around whatever piece of her that he could grasp. She was cold. Her blood was dripping down his chest, staining his clothing. It pooled up in his lap, soaking his shorts in crimson.  _

_ She’d get angry at him for that. He should apologize.  _

_ There was something crumpled up in her hand. He placed it in his pocket, saving it for later.  _

_ “..I’ll stay here and wait for you until you wake up, ‘kay? I.. don’t want you to be alone when you get up.”  _

_ It felt like he’d stayed like that for days. Waiting, waiting for her to wake up, drowning himself in denial when some part of him was aware that she was never going to take another breath. _

_ He remembered someone screaming next, and he didn’t know if it was him or someone else. He didn’t remember a lot of what happened.  _

_ People showed up. They tried to take her away. He knew it was him screaming this time. He held her open wrist tighter to himself, trying to keep her safe from these people.  _

_ They had to pry him from her body. They had to drag him out of the house, kicking and screaming because he didn’t want his mother to be alone. He was all she had. _

_ The next thing he knew was being tossed in front of another lady, one who wore a sympathetic look but clearly didn’t care about him. The woman had a lot of toys, Goro vaguely recalled. All he wanted to do was play with them, since they were much nicer than the ones he had at home. He was waiting for his mother to come pick him up, the part of him that knew the truth long since being silenced.  _

_ The woman asked about his mother, if he knew what happened to her.  _

_ He didn’t reply. He just wanted to see her again, apologize for staining his clothes, apologize for leaving her alone when she woke up. _

_ Apologize for not being someone good enough to live on for.  _

_ Because on that day, Goro Akechi became someone no longer worth living for.  _

* * *

“...Akechi...Are you okay?” 

The voice cut Akechi off from his thoughts, eyes looking up and being met with the face of a concerned Akira Kurusu. 

“You’re shaking, and you’ve been quiet for a bit.” 

Akechi hadn’t even noticed his shaking until it was pointed out to him. 

He’d been gripping the edges of the counter, knuckles trembling and turning white. 

“No- I’m just-..” the detective’s voice was shaking, too. 

“...I’m fine. Just getting a bit retrospective, i-is all.” He swallowed harshly, trying to calm his shaking nerves.

Akira looked like he’d never believed anything less than he believed Akechi’s excuse. 

“Hey..” he bit his lip, hastily looking for the right thing to say. 

“Akechi. Even if she’s not here anymore, you can’t deny that she still loved you.” 

That same ruefully little smile crept back onto the detective’s face.

“I wish I could believe you, but I simply can’t. 

She didn’t even have the decency to take me with her.” 

Akechi looked so, so tired. 

Oh.

_ oh. _

“Goro-“ 

“Merely kidding, of course.” The brunet gave a small chuckle, attempting to play this all off as a joke. It was a joke, mourning a woman who’s name he didn’t even remember. "I'm probably bound to follow in her footsteps, anyways."

Akira glanced away, wishing Akechi’s remark didn’t sting as much as it did. 

“..whatever you say.” 

The silence between them was heavy and awful. They stayed that way for longer than either of them would ever admit. It wasn’t like there was much more to be said. Akechi wouldn’t let Akira pry, and he wouldn't let Akira try to get him help, either. It was a stalemate for both sides. 

Both of their attentions shot towards the door as the remaining Thieves began to head inside. 

Akira sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Looks like it’s time. We’ll talk about this later, yeah?” 

“No, Kurusu-Kun. We won’t.” 

Akechi stood up from his seat, flashing his rival his princely television smile. 

“Forget this conversation ever happened, will you?” 

“I’m not just going to-“ 

“I’m not debating this with you. Forget it.” Akechi snapped, mask slipping before he fixed it again. 

“I just need a few moments to myself. I’ll meet the rest of you up there.” 

Akira only gave Akechi a nod. What more was there to say? Words flooded, but not a single syllable more fell past his lips. 

He was quickly gone with the rest of them, leaving his rival wading in solitude. 

“I’m sorry. Mom.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi wow tysm!! for reading.  
> i started this a while ago and only finished it since i was procrastinating on my multi-chapter story but i think this one turned out?? okay? still not too confident in my work lmao  
> i started this before the rehab scene was released, so unfortunate i couldn't naturally work it in with his mother without everything being all weird, so sorry abt that. glad akechi is getting help though.. he deserves it  
> the amount of dread i felt writing that last flashback... agh  
> anyways hope this was an ok read, tysm again!


End file.
